Reindeer Games

Years ago a friend of mine stopped talking to me after an incident, I guess you call it.  She and I were headed to Naples, (we used to hike there often, she lived next door and had a hand in me getting my job at the time), and she asked what I was doing some day or date and I replied nothing I know of or whatever.  She said we could use you at the rally; your personality, humor and big mouth.  I said count me in!  She then went on about how the rally is for support at a pro-life convention…then, at 24/25 years old, I had to say “I can’t do that.” Long short of it, I have a value system, (it is mine not to be judged by another or pushed on another), that dates far back and growing up in the environment I did, I am often baffled as to where any values came from! (I know now, that’s me, and how God made me!)  Years ago, by the time I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t have enough time to make or rather to fully weigh pro’s and con’s, I was 11 weeks.  I am comfortable with my decision of full term, closed adoption.  Another I know chose abortion, she is fully comfortable with that.  I tried telling the friend mentioned above that my being pro-choice is supporting their “choice” and values and well, it doesn’t always go well.  I often regretted we couldn't maintain our friendship over a difference like this however, it happens...

Part of the above opens up a-- it sucks when other’s try to dictate things they have no business being in, especially without first hand knowledge and conversation.  Much like how I feel at times when my civil liberties are pushed down and cast aside, “we know best” without a word of conversation.  I feel like my voice and choice is not equal to everyone else-- even if the "reason" may be in my own best interest.

I would love to see in the future Churches opt out of the ADA exemptions (Americans with Disabilities Act) or that act be fully enforced without exception or exemption.  My civil rights do matter, especially in church.  It started (the exemption) supposedly too costly for churches to become handicap accessible, now many churches have made renovations, STRUCTURALLY.  I seek a future where just like Black lives matter and women’s choices matter and LGBTQAI civil rights matter so do we, the mentally and physically disabled—mental illness is my disability but, it doesn’t discredit me as a Christian worthy of equal rights and inclusion within churches.

Let me not seem ungrateful for all the two churches in my life have and are opening up to and for me and people like me!!!  I am part of the conversation, now. 

My ideal world would also include the day churches opened their doors to reconsidering their stance on being excluded from the ADA!

Thank you for your time and ear!!! I'm optimistic with all I am doing and working toward :-)

Shirley Davis, director of global diversity and inclusion at the Society for Human Resource Management, said: "People with disabilities represent a critical talent pool that is underserved and underutilized".[30]

From <https://en.wikipedia.org/…/Americans_with_Disabilities_Act_…>

Taking Off The Mask 2016:

Taking off the mask 2016:

Do you know what it's like to have people ask; so what do you do? And fumble with a response because people do indeed, even your friends, judge you a bit--even if they won't admit or maybe don't even realize, by how you answer. I do.

Some days, I beam with pride because I look at the clock and it is 4 pm and the dishes are done, the litter has been done and taken down the three flights twice and my bed is made. The place is picked up and I've puttered around doing little things, probably at most remained seated for not even a full 30 minute TV show doing so. I may still be un-showered and doing that by 5/6 pm leaves me feeling super accomplished: showered, all neat and clean and now I can relax--relax from what? People DO ask. Managing. I managed today!

People can and do, without probably realizing, minimize that accomplishment to a state of embarrassment for me. I then cry most often realizing, myself, what a sad pathetic thing I actually, to the word around me, have done today. Sad by, wow, what a waste. Hearing how others do twice that with a 40 hour a week job and kids and no partner to help.
Hearing how what do you mean you stopped ushering at the RBTL, you loved it and it IS a sweet gig (it is). Hearing how leaving all these things was foolish but to maintain my sanity and my peace it is not. Should I keep burning hot and fast to burn out and get all psycho bitch state when then there is no one but me left around to deal with that? NO, I say. NO.

My Spiritual life is first and foremost to me and for me, everything else is secondary...

I do what I can and yes, overdo it still at times, I am deeply Spiritual and that has become my 12 step to a lot of things; balance, structure, sanity, sobriety (not a drop since 08/31/13), education, family, fellowship and gives me the strength and support I need to get out there and not only manage but share.

What I do day to day, especially at church helps me more than anyone can comprehend--I can say that confidently because, even me, living with my Bipolar1, PTSD, ADHD & GAD--Do not comprehend it, however, I try!

Thanks be to God for all the ways He has gifted me, and yes, my "issues" are gifts, a lot of years of therapy has shown me how so!!

Here's to managing today, plus 1 load of laundry and Thursday Noon fellowship!!!