Showing posts with label Mental Illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Illness. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Came In Like A Lamb

Came In Like A Lamb



o'come Emmanuel, we sing, praise and celebrate
what's in a name...

2019 year of  shackles broken,
mud dried and cracked, 
like Banner becoming the Hulk,
fuck your psychological prison cells
plain as day, transparency 

turned 46
in remission of symptoms
all year

functioning optimally
logic has re-entered the building
starting college again,
I'm going to be a chef!

God is with us;
up on my own two
again--
came in like a lamb, 
going out like the "Tiger" I am 

Taking my power back, 2020
ring up the curtain
it feels good to be back 

My name is:  Michelle




over and over again
the mind gets tripped and triggered
wrapped all up in illness
gaslight and walk away
like it ain't nothin'
I ain't mad
every time
I come out new and improved
like a vintage stingray split window coupe
pulled from the scrap yard
and restored

smoking tires to easy Sunday drives
ya know it's gonna be alright"


Here's to a fresh 2020
so long 2019, you've been good to me!











Thursday, July 11, 2019

*wink*



*wink*




no more masking

said one hundred twenty three times, easily,

randomly pulling this number out of my ass,

like most things done

and or said

in my closing in on forty six years here;

no longer having to hide

I'm a bit mentally behind,

second guessing

what is meant by a lot of things,

afraid to inquire,

behind closed doors

googling simple things,

often more confused and scared

than anyone could fathom;

hell, if I said it out loud

you'd laugh—I'm so funny like that...


Popeye had his spinach

I chose 'liquid courage',

seat of my pants and ass-backward
could care less

like Pigpen's cloud of dust
high functioning drunk,
add in mental illnesses and what do you get?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 and the Oscar goes to--
Miss Albee
AKA one hot fricken' mess...
SN: with a “killer smile” & really great hair! 
*wink*

to the untrained eye

just trying to find my way,

“What Color Is Your Parachute?”,

yeah, I had a friend gift me this is the early 1990's...



hitting my knees-literally-in 2007

screaming, what I now know to be a lament,

followed by a bureaucratic “fall from Grace” ~

tripped, without missing a step,
into the arms of God-literally-

sober, closing in on six years,

and vice free...

here's to closing in on 46 more years here
*wink*









Monday, September 24, 2018

I Agree.

I agree. However, let me be a bit more clarifying...
Over the last couple years I have been practicing more & more living moment by moment. As my mind on its own tends to race at high speed whenever it feels fit leaving me NO CHOICE but to sit and just "be still". Interim I take moments, usually in the wee hours (5:30 AM ish) to just sit on the couch in the dark and be, setting a slow and calm, quiet and peaceful tone to "just do it"! All this week was packed with more than normal for me and I found this time around it was different--I also knew yesterday as I got up and sat "just do it" was a call for rest.
In conclusion, I agree, though I need the moment by moment pace and I also require--require a listening silence to help guide in "just do [what] it"



*find Thought For Today here:  https://www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk/wp-admin/www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Reindeer Games

Years ago a friend of mine stopped talking to me after an incident, I guess you call it.  She and I were headed to Naples, (we used to hike there often, she lived next door and had a hand in me getting my job at the time), and she asked what I was doing some day or date and I replied nothing I know of or whatever.  She said we could use you at the rally; your personality, humor and big mouth.  I said count me in!  She then went on about how the rally is for support at a pro-life convention…then, at 24/25 years old, I had to say “I can’t do that.” Long short of it, I have a value system, (it is mine not to be judged by another or pushed on another), that dates far back and growing up in the environment I did, I am often baffled as to where any values came from! (I know now, that’s me, and how God made me!)  Years ago, by the time I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t have enough time to make or rather to fully weigh pro’s and con’s, I was 11 weeks.  I am comfortable with my decision of full term, closed adoption.  Another I know chose abortion, she is fully comfortable with that.  I tried telling the friend mentioned above that my being pro-choice is supporting their “choice” and values and well, it doesn’t always go well.  I often regretted we couldn't maintain our friendship over a difference like this however, it happens...

Part of the above opens up a-- it sucks when other’s try to dictate things they have no business being in, especially without first hand knowledge and conversation.  Much like how I feel at times when my civil liberties are pushed down and cast aside, “we know best” without a word of conversation.  I feel like my voice and choice is not equal to everyone else-- even if the "reason" may be in my own best interest.

I would love to see in the future Churches opt out of the ADA exemptions (Americans with Disabilities Act) or that act be fully enforced without exception or exemption.  My civil rights do matter, especially in church.  It started (the exemption) supposedly too costly for churches to become handicap accessible, now many churches have made renovations, STRUCTURALLY.  I seek a future where just like Black lives matter and women’s choices matter and LGBTQAI civil rights matter so do we, the mentally and physically disabled—mental illness is my disability but, it doesn’t discredit me as a Christian worthy of equal rights and inclusion within churches.

Let me not seem ungrateful for all the two churches in my life have and are opening up to and for me and people like me!!!  I am part of the conversation, now. 

My ideal world would also include the day churches opened their doors to reconsidering their stance on being excluded from the ADA!

Thank you for your time and ear!!! I'm optimistic with all I am doing and working toward :-)

Shirley Davis, director of global diversity and inclusion at the Society for Human Resource Management, said: "People with disabilities represent a critical talent pool that is underserved and underutilized".[30]