Medusa [An Annie Lennox Advent]

 Whiter Shade of Pale - Annie Lennox

 

 

If you’ve been following the bouncing-ball, ‘grateful for’ this year is a blank I am struggling to fill in.  Advent my favorite, joy-filled time of year feels intensely somber, like Medusa is lurking around the corner; gaze and be turned to stone?  Keep averting the profane normalcy of today’s society? 

Christmas hymns, seasonal festive music, movies and yes, even “A Charlie Brown Christmas” all a numb boredom…however, the album Medusa by Annie Lennox feels seasonally appropriate.

I waited for the ashes of my 17+ year feline companion “to come” home to do my decorating, yes, even my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree.  It is not his physical absence, it is not that my physical Christmas gifts have been given, it is not that I look around seeing the physical reality of our world or even the physical reality staring back in the mirror.  Perhaps, the hidden scars & crosses I bear. 

Or perhaps, it is the real of the Christmas story; the portion lacking: infancy—adulthood of Jesus Christ–hidden.  Hidden below the surface. 

 *not my image or property*

Curious wondering with tones of I can’t even imagine.  What was Mary and Joseph’s life like those years?  Not to mention our dear little Savior–the “terrible twos” to the awkward-phase teenage years?  His realization of I am He!  Not to mention Mom and “Stepdad” (yeah, think about that!) parenting the worlds SAVIOR…

I can’t even imagine, yet I try, over and over again.  The imagery at times in my mind feels cute, fun clips and others feel worrisome…

Maybe this is the seed of my 2018 Advent somber tones.  Unknown.  Secret.  Hidden.  Uncertain.  Tied together with Faith.  Faith & Hope in the same unknown.  That in between, much like my own life’s places of in between–hidden.  The same but different, lacking.

 

12/2018 Tiger Albee Photo

I Agree.

I agree. However, let me be a bit more clarifying...
Over the last couple years I have been practicing more & more living moment by moment. As my mind on its own tends to race at high speed whenever it feels fit leaving me NO CHOICE but to sit and just "be still". Interim I take moments, usually in the wee hours (5:30 AM ish) to just sit on the couch in the dark and be, setting a slow and calm, quiet and peaceful tone to "just do it"! All this week was packed with more than normal for me and I found this time around it was different--I also knew yesterday as I got up and sat "just do it" was a call for rest.
In conclusion, I agree, though I need the moment by moment pace and I also require--require a listening silence to help guide in "just do [what] it"


*find Thought For Today here:  https://www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk/wp-admin/www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk

In Out-Out and In

I came across this Calvin and Hobbes cartoon this morning and am being flooded with just how true the realization of this is, I.e.: Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

Not to downplay Outreach ministries or the work of  the Church, Deacons, Elders, Program Staff, etc. or anything like that, rather, stir it all up a bit more.

One thing I can recall vividly my 1^st Sunday service, was the use of the word “inreach” and I was sold! I was seeking a new church and I felt I needed you to take care of me and when I joined as a member I took my questions seriously and you had me there, too – to take care of you. What has changed or shifted is the meaning of inreach has morphed into personal development; maintaining mental stability, Spiritual growth, fasting and prayer (1 Peter 2:1-3).

I am not who I was when I showed up at your doorstep wandering lost, lonely, broken, addicted to alcohol/cigarettes and in need—dire need—I was literally going to die...You stirred up to love and encouraged now faith and good works, the type Christ charges us to live and do, freely flow, everywhere I go, additionally I offer you all the greatest gift I can by taking care of myself—you did that! Had no idea, huh, that is how powerful the life in Christ is; Faith and Hope, Peace and Love – the cornerstone of Outreach;

Brothers and Sisters  "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people."  - let us keep that in mind in our ministries, even the day-to-day mundane, perhaps using the words of Jim Rohn let us encourage others with a mere “take care of you for me”.

Five Candles - Jars of Clay

Peace is~

Peace is~
The tingling, warm feelings in my chest

like at any given moment my heart will burst out from within.

Peace is~
Fighting to keep my eyes open, when I am not even tired

with every eyelid flutter more soothing than the other.

Peace is~
No matter time or place, the you-ness of you existing comfortably, almost weightlessly

aware, yet, without a worry or care.

Unexpectedly Extinguished

The 1st Advent candle was lit, we sang

and then, it went out.

The 1st candle was re-lit and the second candle was then lit, we sang

and then, they went out.

As if from lit to spent, my mind wound down

unexpectedly extinguished, with those candle flames.

 Without a word, familiar presence

rest well, here with me.

Softly whispered, within my chest

pen to paper;

Life in a candle

to hope is but a dance with a peaceful flame,
rekindling moments
in every wick
joyfully burning my smoldering soul
lovingly flickering

Advent fantasies...

 ^-The process -^

Saturday December 09, 2017

God's Novel

I really dig this title:


1.  God's Novel;  God's book; illustrations; how God reads to me; how God teaches me to read, etc.


2.  God's Novel:  God IS novel.



Often I wait to hear the story before I post here on this blog.  I always when I hear the story or feel it enough to sit down at the keyboard and wait until it just flows have an image or images of what God has shown me pop into my head.  Usually, it is already in the physical memory; Micro SD cards, Flash Drives and/or internal memory, oh and the "clouds" of many!  Sometimes it is just a matter of a day or two and there it is--God's accompanying picture!!

My Instagram account is full of God's sense of humor and our shared goofy, dorky, nonsense and our way of interacting in day to day life.  

Not many folks I know have an IG (Instagram) account or a Google+ (which I don't really use either, except for the auto-sharing of this blogspot content), everyone has Facebook.  I feel nothing but angst when I view my Facebook feed lately; what can I do about that and still share the wonderful reality God shows me?

I can create a new page!  Here is God's Novel:  Link to God's Novel

About:

God speaks to me through a lens; you are not here for you-you are here for Me.

"All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it."

Feel free, should you choose to check it out, "Follow" or "Like" it or not.  This page is mainly just images with a brief, at times, caption.

May the headline bring "Good News"

Grace and Peace,

Ty

"Further"

loosen thy grip

let go

anxiety provoking control

seeking

need not speak

greater than all things

the mind is a terrible thing to waste

emotionally charged

bears bruised fruit

take a step back

see

really see

all in front of thee

one-on-one

going deep

quietly

ultimate source

selflessly

never ending

replenishing

moment to moment

clarity

upon allowing…

"The miracle of your mind isn't that you can see the world as it is. It's that you can see the world as it isn't." --Kathryn Schulz

sp

No longer...

[I have long since ditched Cable Television and do old school over the digital air waves and Netflix]  

No longer viewing television news...or reading/"Following" television news online. 

I will old school news paper, at the YMCA when I workout two days a week or at the Library--there is no need for me to have that dropped at my doorstep daily either, or all access online.

I will live my life and welcome all that and those I encounter with kindness and respect.

  Looking UP!

"No, not just for some, oh, but just for ever, every, everyone"

Prince of Peace, your Spirit dwells within and among us all, 
please Lord, 
ignite that consuming blaze of Love in all those who are so violently angry...

https://youtu.be/y3X4SmuSN8s

Lyrics

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some but for everyone

Lord, we don't need another mountain
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross
Enough to last 'till the end of time

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some but for everyone

Lord, we don't need another meadow
There are cornfields and wheat fields enough to grow
There are sunbeams and moonbeams enough to shine
Oh, listen, lord, if you want to know

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some, oh, but just for ever, every, everyone

What the world needs now is love, sweet love (oh, is love)
What the world needs now is love, sweet love (oh, is love)
What the world needs now is love, sweet love (oh, is love)

who you really are?

http://m.gty.org/resources/articles/A214/nothing-safe-about-secret-sin#.VYwooUtMuwc.facebook

A great read, again, as I read it last year and found how I find it additionally/differently helpful in this time and space.

This is what jumps and pumps within right now: "As a matter of fact, your secret life is the real litmus test of your character: "As he thinks within himself, so he is" (Proverbs 23:7). Do you want to know who you really are? Take a hard look at your private life—especially your innermost thoughts."

"Do you want to know who you really are?
Take a hard look at your private life—especially your innermost thoughts"

An invitation for us all...

Yes.

My innermost thoughts are often very celestial/Spiritual.  It's not that I am out of touch with "reality" it's more of a I see, feel and live the best I can 'here' in the moment.  

I am one who will choose the Spiritual over earthly every time...(though I am human and yes, I fail when earthly gets to be tempting time to time)

By that I mean, I live open to receive all unseen, unknown.  All God is giving to me; especially the promise of life eternally.  And the pieces shared now!  

I, again, best I can 'here' live that eternal reunion and love, true love.  Sometimes almost a creating of time and space for that in the now amongst the heartbreak and sadness.  An ascension of sorts.

I am one who loves being gentle, kind, serene, playful--not an unwise folly, joyful and loving.  Greater than not those are the basis of my innermost thoughts.

First and foremost my innermost thoughts are I want to be as good and pure and disciplined as possible 'here.'  I want NOT to sin.  I want NOT to temp others to sin.  I want NOT to keep company of sin.  I want to be, carry and company Peace.  

(this is not a one time shot and finished answer, always a work in process and progress)

I'd say I am wanting what God is preparing for me...

I am quiet, I am ready, I am faithful, I am wild oats sown, I am His.

For what shall I pray;

Holiest God of all, 
keep me in ways that are fruitful to you and for you--
moment by moment; awake, at rest - in Spirit, body and mind. 

Forgiving, loving and guiding all my earthly ways...
In Christ's name always, amen.

ME

Crucified and risen with Him, once again--

I am feeling compelled to say/clarify that I am really of no real gender in this temporary place. The vehicle given to me is that of a woman, "she." For a better understanding, as I have felt it since about six, yes 6 years old: There is a reason I am missing my penis! Society telling me I am a little girl so you like little boys--okay, nope, that doesn't work. Society telling me you are a lesbian so you like not just women but lesbian women--nope, that doesn't work. Society telling me you are transgendered so you like straight women--nope, that doesn't work. Society telling me (or a person I knew in the 90's) maybe you're a gay man--nope, I am sure that won't work.

How about I am myself and what I do or don't do, have or lack is between me and God, often the thoughts I have.

Let me tell you what I actually know and knew all growing up;
I will never marry. I am not like other folks who are wired for earthly formalities. I have the soul of a man and a poet no less, almost Sage like--yes Sage. Neither here nor there, moving on: I was born a EUNUCH if a label helps.
(However, I did fulfill the "procreate purpose" in 1993)

I was born and named Michelle Lynn Albee and within a few months of birth named Tiger, Tie for short. Except my Grandma Albee spelled it Tyger and I always liked it best that way but my mom hated she did that. Until 3rd grade teachers called me "Tiger" then I was told I had to use my "real name" as others made that call for me, "real."

The real of it is for me, until I am made aware of my body I don't see myself gendered…buying bras--that's an awareness, PMS an awareness, you get the picture wink emoticonI am not in search of my body so to speak, I have one here, it is what it is and as you see it. Now, my eternal life I already see and know that body that is how and why I am comfortable just being me…

I have no desire what so ever in "changing" anything or fit a "label" or "conform" to anything.
In the early 1990's and mid 1990's two of my 3 'serious' (attempts at) relationships with (straight) women brought me home books on sex change. That was the terminology then. I read and pondered to come back to it would ultimately be so that others saw what I already did and do. I am created in God's image, I see what He does who cares if others don't. I married God; vowed, faithful, commitment.

The moral of this story is I wear what I like, hair what I like and do as I do because that is me, not to be or become, fit into or be seen as; "X" "Y" or "Z."

My "real" label I had stamped on my neck in 2009 for if and when I NEED one: MLA

I am here for purposes and my purposes need no gender identity. What people use, she, he, it, hey you, crazy, I don't really care, honest. I understand we live in a place where we need pronouns and labels to make our way but please know I personally don't live them nor am defined by them.

In transition: to see and be what He, the Risen Christ, shows me and leads me…
                                                                        ME

 smile emoticon

It IS and It Is Good!!

Several weeks back I was sharing with one of our pastors how awe striking this method is:  (see Richard Rohr's daily meditation for today:  https://cac.org/the-magic-and-mystery-of-intimacy-2016-03-01/ )

What I find so engulfing is noting more and more the cross-references of prophecies and the whole God’s predestination of those in the Bible. Right from the beginning, God letting Adam know--no worries, though by the way this isn't going to be pretty in the meantime, but, the seed of the woman (Christ) will redeem. Stepping on the snakes head (destroying Satan/sin) though his fangs will bruise Christ's heel by way of his sufferings.

Noting more and more the importance of the Law (Mosaic) for Israel, as well as during Christ's ministry here. And noting bigger picture, so to speak.

How key the Abrahamic covenant is to understanding the Gospel.

All so comforting, like when I feel like Thomas, noting and new sight just pushes that all away—like being told myself; see, touch!

How even in Luke, Jesus tells of his own death but the 12 just can't comprehend this, because well, no mention of grace yet, Christ hadn't died.

Seeing God's transcendence in all of that and more!

I'd told this same pastor several years back in response to a question: "I cannot not follow Christ!" follow up question was "can you say more about that?" "No, I cannot, there is nothing more to say!!"

Just as now, I cannot not see God everywhere. I cannot not feel Christ living. I cannot not get swept up in the Holy Spirit within and among...

The only "more" I can say about this is; it is an experience, a lifestyle, a Love story of sorts and why would I want to try and overthink it?! It IS and it is good! 

heart emoticon

Live By Love

Many of Jesus' teachings show us how unfair treatment is wrong; I'll use the parables as a broad general, showing that those who are subjected to unfairness are actually the ones doing the teaching.

It is a fair statement (in my heart) to say those who walk in the path of Christ are often outside the societal norms & made subject to harsh ridicule.  I find, personally, it does hurt.  Much prayer, share and contemplate.  I am human.  Though, in the unfairness I find "success and justice" through faith.

Live by Love and you can never go wrong--

It isn't wrong to love ourselves either, the Holy Spirit lives and moves in love!

Just(ice) How Righteous

Passion for justice & peace vs. righteous anger:

To be angry causes a chain reaction of disharmony.
To be peaceful causes a chain reaction of love.

anger = chaos
peace = calm

With Lent approaching, as well as, ongoing presidential debates, Lord, let us watch our tones and tongues.  Within The Spirit of true grace and redemption absolute, I pray these things. Amen.

"The aim of God in history is the creation of an all-inclusive community of loving persons, with Himself included in that community as its prime sustainer and most glorious inhabitant." 
— Dallas Willard

A New Year's Awakening

A New Year's Awakening:

•  I really found our Sunday (01/10/16) speaker quite enlightening.  I do have the “color blindness” she spoke of, though I value the great depth, contributions and uniqueness of other colors and cultures, I had no idea of the over all umbrella - that being upper hand geared toward white male America.  Just a great enlightenment.

• Also, since adding a Spiritual director to my life recently, I find so much new depth in “be(ing) still and know that I am God.”  I have always been a contemplative and prayerful individual and thus, this just helps the Holy Spirit and I move, connect and flow with greater ease.

• I find lately my noticing more and more the lack of the “true self” in a great chunk of today’s society.  Seems all so caught up in we democrats, we republicans, we Christians, we Presbyterians…we this and we that and our traditions and our values.  Yet, many struggle to self identify outside those things, even within those things actually.  Identity found outside rather than within.  Could be why I often find it hard to relate, as well as, a huge lack of interest to relate!  I can generally relate to many who are in tune with their true selves or striving to be and think outside the conventional boxes.

• Additionally, over this past Advent season weaned myself out of the “care taker” or “peer councilor” role and am at a place of discernment.  Broadening myself outside of church a bit, while remaining at the same time—my Spiritual, mental and sobriety needs are met amongst much of the prayerful quiet times I find there and the extracurricular groups, etc.  However, I have steeped, like a tea bag, for a bit over three years and I am being called to “be still” while exploring my Disciple/Apostleship.  

• Being I write, mainly Spirit filled poetry, prose, short essays, and pondering mantras…this may move me into an area where I can reach and engage people of my age or even younger, which is something that the churches struggle to do.

It feels like 2016 is a wilderness walk for me, outside of normal, conventional methods of which I am familiar or accustomed.  This is all a very big change.  I am excited and have no idea what to expect—I am okay with that!  The key "popping" piece right now is in; “be still and know that I am God.”  

I see, feel and have been living still is not idle.  Even when I was physically idle with that awful upper respiratory cold at Christmas, that kept me still yet, not idle!

Peace is~

Peace is~
The tingling, warm feelings in my chest

like at any given moment my heart will burst out from within.

Peace is~
Fighting to keep my eyes open, when I am not even tired

with every eyelid flutter more soothing than the other.

Peace is~
No matter time or place, the you-ness of you existing comfortably, almost weightlessly

aware, yet, without a worry or care.

‪#‎Peace‬

Dear God,

"He maketh me to lie down in green pastures" 


Back and forth
rip, shred and split, rabid jackal style
hopelessness; word of the day, new novelty
try to escape it
let go, let God -- insert eyebrows raising...

"He leadeth me beside the still waters"

Perhaps, throwing my hands in the air, stationary,
stagnant world
as not to be consumed 
tread water

What I am to do...

I am powerless.
I believe only God can and will redeem.
I give myself over to God and God's will...

"He restoreth my soul"



#asheepsruleofthumb

How Bright It Is

There are times of trial
Of course,
There is the pouring
And pounding of the rain
Days of stress and anxiety

How I do recall
The what was of it all
When it seemed to almost consume;

Placing my own hands over the spaces
Of light illuminating
More fear of what brightness may bring
Eyes so adjusted to the pitch black
The thought of anything outside
Causing a (knee) jerk response...

Not all long ago,
Though I hold it close,
Intentionally,
That which once was
Brings forth feelings of:

Gratefulness,
Warmth,
Empathy,
Compassion
and
Love...
   
     Freeing up my hands
          To hug...

BuilD UP; words

If you ever wondered, I do have one of those creepy memories. (words to images, very precise, triggered by key things sending me rifling through what I call the file cabinet in my head for the pic which tells the 'story')
I also, have a tendency okay more automatic habit of jotting during worship. It's part of worship for me.
I also have a habit of saving & logging things, though not at all to a pack-rat degree or style. For future draw-upon; "oh wait, I know, hold on!" So, yawn--enough about me!

Perhaps it is the Pope's arrival and how I admire much of what he says and how he is trying best a Pope can, I suppose, to be as common as the most common of folk. Also taking a lot of flack for not wearing red shoes, (and who would, that is so been to Oz done that), and not being carted about in the pimp mobile, oops, Pope mobile wink emoticon That brought my thoughts to 08/09/15. I saw outside the Strathallen that morning a Dalai Lama look a like and a few of his peeps and shared a warm hello kinda hoping he would cross the street and join us, then thinking should I have asked?

The second pic was jotted as John preached, "Power of Words."
I admit my handwriting is much to be admired though should be legible. (and yes, I pride myself in admitting, I am a piss-poor speller!) I have taken a few hits this Summer and was feeling a bit angry but that turned around during this service:

Use words that BUILD UP
That IS a job we have regardless of the outcome...

#TechDownTuesday

I don't know if any pay mind to my, most often in Advent and Lent, "Try something new."
I am going to try something old--no, I am not trying to bring my hair color back hahahha

I am implementing a ‪#‎TechDownTuesday‬ for myself.
Old school. Nothing outside of phone usage, technology wise, old school phone usage; Dial and Talk! (leave it home)

Use of paper and pen, use of books vs internet, limiting the TV and go outside and "play." I feel as I get older I am realising (yes, always the UK 's' it isn't a misspell) that I allowed mainstream society to side track me.

As a child, and not having anything remotely close to a "Cleaver" household, I still was able to focus above and connect so deeply with God and God's creations--including myself!! I had a flash this morning of many actual instances, hence my; HEY! I have free will! smile emoticon

I am starting with Tuesday being I partake in the 9:15 am 30 minute'ish morning prayer at church--I can say for me, that is so elemental.‪#‎asheepsruleofthumb‬ if you will wink emoticon