Medusa [An Annie Lennox Advent]

 Whiter Shade of Pale - Annie Lennox

 

 

If you’ve been following the bouncing-ball, ‘grateful for’ this year is a blank I am struggling to fill in.  Advent my favorite, joy-filled time of year feels intensely somber, like Medusa is lurking around the corner; gaze and be turned to stone?  Keep averting the profane normalcy of today’s society? 

Christmas hymns, seasonal festive music, movies and yes, even “A Charlie Brown Christmas” all a numb boredom…however, the album Medusa by Annie Lennox feels seasonally appropriate.

I waited for the ashes of my 17+ year feline companion “to come” home to do my decorating, yes, even my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree.  It is not his physical absence, it is not that my physical Christmas gifts have been given, it is not that I look around seeing the physical reality of our world or even the physical reality staring back in the mirror.  Perhaps, the hidden scars & crosses I bear. 

Or perhaps, it is the real of the Christmas story; the portion lacking: infancy—adulthood of Jesus Christ–hidden.  Hidden below the surface. 

 *not my image or property*

Curious wondering with tones of I can’t even imagine.  What was Mary and Joseph’s life like those years?  Not to mention our dear little Savior–the “terrible twos” to the awkward-phase teenage years?  His realization of I am He!  Not to mention Mom and “Stepdad” (yeah, think about that!) parenting the worlds SAVIOR…

I can’t even imagine, yet I try, over and over again.  The imagery at times in my mind feels cute, fun clips and others feel worrisome…

Maybe this is the seed of my 2018 Advent somber tones.  Unknown.  Secret.  Hidden.  Uncertain.  Tied together with Faith.  Faith & Hope in the same unknown.  That in between, much like my own life’s places of in between–hidden.  The same but different, lacking.

 

12/2018 Tiger Albee Photo

Awakening

The usual custom for awakening is a "Good Morning" and a big ole mug of coffee!

But what about a Spiritual Awakening?  Knowing something amazing is going on, feeling a need for solidarity yet, connection for sharing and dialog with "others."  Well, there are plenty of others to talk to, believe me, I could waste 18 hours a day in bullshit conversation--that is an American term; "we were just sitting around bullshitting" or "just shooting the shit."  

I am not really a fan of those terms anymore, the only way to explain that is like when you out grow anything.  Perhaps it isn't so much the terminology rather the root of what the term means that turns me off..."pointless chatter."  Go ahead, get offended, those of you who do talk at me, over me, to me and wonder...or better yet, don't and know it doesn't matter!
     That's right, it does not matter--no one but me is responsible for how I feel or don't feel or react and vise versa.  It bears no reflection but much can be learned if we set with that feeling of being offended.  It is truly one of the best Spiritual Awakenings--that's where the ego feeds!!!  (multiple exclamation points because this growth personally ignites a fire within me)


So, here I am, minding my own business, some not-so-many years ago *BAM* 'Spiritual Awakening' nudging me.  And scaring the hell out of me!  That's right, it scared me into a looking over my shoulder for another mental break.  It also scared me because many things I had professed, prayed and lamented to God and God alone were staring right back at me...Confusing me.  Testing me.  Transforming me.  Growing me.  Preparing me for ____________(fill in the blank).  This year it was not cupcakes but, breaking from society.  
     Look, I don't know what's next or yet to come--what I DO know is I know what I am doing even though it is a mystery.

Where I am struggling is really in the placement of boundaries.  I no longer find a lot of  my "older patterns" (AKA the "false self" which is very ego based) my way, my path -- there where the road forked, I went the other way.  I do not seek the company of others.  Yes, I do not seek the company of others.  I seek Faith in "for everything there is a season", I seek God's timing and placement for sharing and connecting--not creating it myself or fumbling back into places I am expected or I feel obligated.  

For my heart knows its home and that space is to be free from defilement.  That's my call.  I cannot answer it yet, I tried, I was hung up on.  And until I stopped getting "hung up on" everything and reflected silently then I felt what I know.  What I know is this:   I accept all this.  My pilgrimage is mine and mine alone.  We are supposed to turn toward and lean on God (not (wo)man) and with all things, God will provide--God will provide spaces and places for sharing.
     
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"

tygerforwardis.wordpress.com

https://tygerforwardis.wordpress.com/2017/11/22/seven-days-gratitude-2/


No, I am not leaving my blogspot.  I am however mixing and splitting things up.  Almost like having a few books going at once or a few journals for different thoughts.

Feel free to check me out on wordpress, where the focus for me will be more of the meditative, quiet, Spiritual reflections--more of the going in.

Happy Thanksgiving

Right Path

Last night pre-bed (and pre-Dateline) I was lying in bed talking to God, like I always do, as if God is right there in the room; talking aloud about well, everything; everything we didn't already talk about earlier or even if we had, let me repeat myself, God does.

Anyway, my turn to the left, grab the Student Bible that sits there on the nightstand, and randomly open, point, think silently began (this is not an out of the ordinary practice).  I opened to Luke and pointed just below the blue study box:  I read.

 Though I remained silent, does not take away from thought or "absorption" of what I read.  It also does not mean God left the building, it just means, silence is key--for me.  For me; beneficial, needed, important.

Oh how many "answers" or "more questions than answers" I have with what we talked about and this Spiritual practice of Ours (I capitalize the O because it is God and me-notice me is a lowercase m).  However, the take away, bold, bright and beautiful is this:

     

     I am on the right path!!!  And really think about a path, if you feel so inclined to do so...let's say (for example) the canal path on a walk or bike from Brighton to Pittsford Dairy - for me that is a familiar, yet unfamiliar ride; some road, some for a moment sidewalk, some grass lol, some curb-age, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, sometimes my rear or feet hurt for a week, others not, sometimes I meet friends along the way or foes, I see familiar faces, unfamiliar, I am in my area, your area, their area, I am exhausted upon arrival, I am refreshed, then exhausted again on the way back...you get the point.

the nightstand

to be refinished this Summer--yuck (;

I am on the right path. Amen.