Awakening

The usual custom for awakening is a "Good Morning" and a big ole mug of coffee!

But what about a Spiritual Awakening?  Knowing something amazing is going on, feeling a need for solidarity yet, connection for sharing and dialog with "others."  Well, there are plenty of others to talk to, believe me, I could waste 18 hours a day in bullshit conversation--that is an American term; "we were just sitting around bullshitting" or "just shooting the shit."  

I am not really a fan of those terms anymore, the only way to explain that is like when you out grow anything.  Perhaps it isn't so much the terminology rather the root of what the term means that turns me off..."pointless chatter."  Go ahead, get offended, those of you who do talk at me, over me, to me and wonder...or better yet, don't and know it doesn't matter!
     That's right, it does not matter--no one but me is responsible for how I feel or don't feel or react and vise versa.  It bears no reflection but much can be learned if we set with that feeling of being offended.  It is truly one of the best Spiritual Awakenings--that's where the ego feeds!!!  (multiple exclamation points because this growth personally ignites a fire within me)


So, here I am, minding my own business, some not-so-many years ago *BAM* 'Spiritual Awakening' nudging me.  And scaring the hell out of me!  That's right, it scared me into a looking over my shoulder for another mental break.  It also scared me because many things I had professed, prayed and lamented to God and God alone were staring right back at me...Confusing me.  Testing me.  Transforming me.  Growing me.  Preparing me for ____________(fill in the blank).  This year it was not cupcakes but, breaking from society.  
     Look, I don't know what's next or yet to come--what I DO know is I know what I am doing even though it is a mystery.

Where I am struggling is really in the placement of boundaries.  I no longer find a lot of  my "older patterns" (AKA the "false self" which is very ego based) my way, my path -- there where the road forked, I went the other way.  I do not seek the company of others.  Yes, I do not seek the company of others.  I seek Faith in "for everything there is a season", I seek God's timing and placement for sharing and connecting--not creating it myself or fumbling back into places I am expected or I feel obligated.  

For my heart knows its home and that space is to be free from defilement.  That's my call.  I cannot answer it yet, I tried, I was hung up on.  And until I stopped getting "hung up on" everything and reflected silently then I felt what I know.  What I know is this:   I accept all this.  My pilgrimage is mine and mine alone.  We are supposed to turn toward and lean on God (not (wo)man) and with all things, God will provide--God will provide spaces and places for sharing.
     
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"

tygerforwardis.wordpress.com

https://tygerforwardis.wordpress.com/2017/11/22/seven-days-gratitude-2/


No, I am not leaving my blogspot.  I am however mixing and splitting things up.  Almost like having a few books going at once or a few journals for different thoughts.

Feel free to check me out on wordpress, where the focus for me will be more of the meditative, quiet, Spiritual reflections--more of the going in.

Happy Thanksgiving

My Call the Sequel

http://tyunstoppable.blogspot.com/2015/07/my-call.html --you can find the original here

This was scribbled one year ago today…

Being I only had one bizarre comment on Google+ when it went live on my blog last year, I feel perhaps, I should break this down a bit.  Let me back track, the comment was something to the effect that I have an odd way of Christianity.  I do!!  (According to mainstream society) 

Okay so I scribbled this down while I was listening to Dave Matthews Crash CD.  I like to, at times, give credit to what I am listening to.  Because I know these people and know they are good people worth endorsing-No.  Because, the Spirit moves in everything, and I mean everything.

Title:  My Call

1st 4 lines/words = The holy (no pun intended, okay maybe!) crap I am not worthy.  To the self-examination question--Shame? 

2nd set of 7 lines/words = Rationalize, justifying, the but it was because or they started it so I…  To the self-examination question--Scared?

3rd set of 4 lines/words = THE Light coming into the darkness.  Feeling Grace.

4th set of 3 lines/words = False self to True self.  And that, friends, I am learning should feel uncomfortable and a bit chaotic.  Dig Deep.

5th set of lines/words = Pretty easy to understand--"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 

6th and final line/word = "Abnormality!" --NOT MAINSTREAM.  Not "normal" when I am often listened to…

Celibate.  Sober.  My friends are older.  Love of Christian Discipline.  I could go on and on.

The exclamation point = I love being New Life "Abnormal"  [2 Corinthians 5:17]

And these calls from God aren't just this one time, but every time I am called:  it is good, even if some liminal spaces are agonizing.

TV Preacher Hits Home Run

When I fired up the TV this morning it was some TV preacher preaching to a huge, packed, convention center somewhere. I was still fumbling about feeding boys(cats), starting coffee and opening windows but I was stopped dead in my tracks…

He was preaching something I've never heard preached--The Song of Solomon. There is a song by Kate Bush I love based on the Song of Solomon, but that really has nothing to do with this, but I do indeed like Kate Bush! Anyway, he was preaching everything I have come into living and feeling and believing and knowing for myself, true self. He points out how there is a very small bit of sexual intimacy within the book of Solomon, it is conversation. It is intimacy on a whole other level, a level in which God wants for us to know. Lying with one is a step taken too soon often, not truly knowing pure and absolute intimacy with God as well as another. He then was going on about how sexual attraction is an extremely strong emotion, especially when one loves another. It is important to keep those emotions in check (Paul speaks of this a few times, if you cannot then marry. If you can, remain unmarried.), not only because it is Biblically so but because the way to true intimacy is not through means of sexual sharing. That is where this television preacher had me--true intimacy is not through means of sexual sharing.

He did go on "for the young people out there" if you think marriage is one big sexual encounter from the time you say I do until you drag your tired feet through the pearly gates, you are way off base and anyone here in a committed relationship can probably tell you better than anyone just how true this is! LOL 

My rambling here is what I caught before this program ended and my coffee was done, however, where he had me was preaching Solomon and the; true intimacy is not through means of sexual sharing. This is solely where he had me for reasons I never knew why in the past, often asked "why, what's wrong with you?" It was wrong not wanting to, it was wrong not wanting to.
What is wrong with me that something feels so empty and crushing if the opposite of this is wrong, this is supposed to be right. Often my "afterglow" thoughts, not very afterglow in reality.

I've always, in hindsight, known the right path for me is not sexual intimacy. Hearing this television preacher for a few moments has cast a Job-like light for me…I am of no gender or orientation here because the way for me here is not sexual intimacy and ya know what, there's nothing wrong with me! There’s never been anything wrong with me!!

Now, I am not sharing this as a this is the way for all. Nope, we all are different and ya know what, whatever your way is--there's nothing wrong with you!!

*This Pic Hangs Near My Desk:

#TechDownTuesday

I don't know if any pay mind to my, most often in Advent and Lent, "Try something new."
I am going to try something old--no, I am not trying to bring my hair color back hahahha

I am implementing a ‪#‎TechDownTuesday‬ for myself.
Old school. Nothing outside of phone usage, technology wise, old school phone usage; Dial and Talk! (leave it home)

Use of paper and pen, use of books vs internet, limiting the TV and go outside and "play." I feel as I get older I am realising (yes, always the UK 's' it isn't a misspell) that I allowed mainstream society to side track me.

As a child, and not having anything remotely close to a "Cleaver" household, I still was able to focus above and connect so deeply with God and God's creations--including myself!! I had a flash this morning of many actual instances, hence my; HEY! I have free will! smile emoticon

I am starting with Tuesday being I partake in the 9:15 am 30 minute'ish morning prayer at church--I can say for me, that is so elemental.‪#‎asheepsruleofthumb‬ if you will wink emoticon