"worship"

What a true blessing, as a usual, but as I awaited the bus sitting on the steps of the adjacent church such wonderful conversations and interactions, with folks.

I very well could've waited on my own porch however, I love sitting here and the music from an across the street church was already in full swing and can be heard almost all day Sunday from my humble dwelling.

Today as I sat making chit-chat with everyone going in and out, greeting those who attend this particular church while I am killing time, being pleasantly invited to not only sit here, on these close to the bus shelter steps, whenever but stop by whenever--

I realized there was a time when even going into a church was so uncomfortable, or the thought not really scared me but freaked me out because I knew I was not 'church bred'.  I didn't grow up having church as a part of my life.  I often would think no, I can hold it while walking around rather than even stop at a church office to ask if I could go to the bathroom because I didn't feel I'd know how to properly ask.

I see now that I feel much more comfortable.  A humble comfortable, bigger yet, I have found my own "Christ" alive and well that even if not "proper thoroughbred"  religiously or denominationally ("Denominational DNA" quote).  I am properly 'bread' in Him... universally!

To the Bay was where I was headed to "worship."

I should say, that I am a member of a church currently and I am struggling.  I am mentally ill and that is not talked about.  I also am learning that much of what I have spent time in therapy learning of myself is; stop, figure out what I feel and why and then proceed with calm conversation is being repressed to regressing...unfortunately, seems no one talks 'real ' freely in the church, is what I am feeling.

The bad:  risk of undoing what I have worked hard on.

The good:  sermons and worship and church are everywhere I am!

It IS and It Is Good!!

Several weeks back I was sharing with one of our pastors how awe striking this method is:  (see Richard Rohr's daily meditation for today:  https://cac.org/the-magic-and-mystery-of-intimacy-2016-03-01/ )

What I find so engulfing is noting more and more the cross-references of prophecies and the whole God’s predestination of those in the Bible. Right from the beginning, God letting Adam know--no worries, though by the way this isn't going to be pretty in the meantime, but, the seed of the woman (Christ) will redeem. Stepping on the snakes head (destroying Satan/sin) though his fangs will bruise Christ's heel by way of his sufferings.

Noting more and more the importance of the Law (Mosaic) for Israel, as well as during Christ's ministry here. And noting bigger picture, so to speak.

How key the Abrahamic covenant is to understanding the Gospel.

All so comforting, like when I feel like Thomas, noting and new sight just pushes that all away—like being told myself; see, touch!

How even in Luke, Jesus tells of his own death but the 12 just can't comprehend this, because well, no mention of grace yet, Christ hadn't died.

Seeing God's transcendence in all of that and more!

I'd told this same pastor several years back in response to a question: "I cannot not follow Christ!" follow up question was "can you say more about that?" "No, I cannot, there is nothing more to say!!"

Just as now, I cannot not see God everywhere. I cannot not feel Christ living. I cannot not get swept up in the Holy Spirit within and among...

The only "more" I can say about this is; it is an experience, a lifestyle, a Love story of sorts and why would I want to try and overthink it?! It IS and it is good! 

heart emoticon

Under HIS Wing

As I am the same person as 20 years ago and more, so is God the same from beginning to now and forever. However, I have changed and grown and do different things and will, yet it's still me. God does also!

I cannot move and flow and grow within and among the Holy Spirit if I am treating God as if the past God is all God is capable of.

The beauty in this Absolute Grace is I need not do or have to do anything. Because I am in Christ it is not something I need concern myself with, He has adopted me! I am His. I am taken up and living under HIS wing--child being tutored and tended!!!

❤




👼

❤

Live By Love

Many of Jesus' teachings show us how unfair treatment is wrong; I'll use the parables as a broad general, showing that those who are subjected to unfairness are actually the ones doing the teaching.

It is a fair statement (in my heart) to say those who walk in the path of Christ are often outside the societal norms & made subject to harsh ridicule.  I find, personally, it does hurt.  Much prayer, share and contemplate.  I am human.  Though, in the unfairness I find "success and justice" through faith.

Live by Love and you can never go wrong--

It isn't wrong to love ourselves either, the Holy Spirit lives and moves in love!

Peace is~

Peace is~
The tingling, warm feelings in my chest

like at any given moment my heart will burst out from within.

Peace is~
Fighting to keep my eyes open, when I am not even tired

with every eyelid flutter more soothing than the other.

Peace is~
No matter time or place, the you-ness of you existing comfortably, almost weightlessly

aware, yet, without a worry or care.

‪#‎Peace‬

Rock Bottom

So, you're at rock bottom
you don't say,
I've rented a room there
many times in my day.

You're scared and alone
already
battered and bruised
cannot believe
more being thrown at you.
Refuse to say;
"it could be worse"
looking over your shoulder
makes for more of a curse.

Do I pick up the phone?
Feel it won't matter,
won't matter at all,
sad and depressed,
no one likes that.
Feel it would just be being a bother,
not even sure what to say...

You'll suffer through instead,
head in your hands
crying
shaking
even cold
forgotten all that you know.
Normally can fake it
till you can make it
yeah,
not one of those times, huh.

Been there.
Done that.

I am not going to lie to you
It really does suck,
going to seem like forever
no matter what one says
it will not be enough.
Like you are now made of stone
nothing can get through.

This is a time
when all I can do for you
is have the faith you lack.
Won't go too far
standing ready to have your back--

Knowing:
you are a fighter
damn strong
BELIEVER
you've seen many dark days
dusted off, stood-up.

The clock now stopped...
It is a bitch of a climb
slow 'n steady
don't look down,
God's got you
when you reach the top
my hand will be ready!




For those we wait and pray on.
MAA-S LLAH ;)

Gangsta--Not

Brand fuckin' new
straight up outta the box
never felt like this
I'm not bullshitting
couldn't even if I wanted to
you'd see right through...

Tuned in
hearing what's unsaid
deciphering
weirdo quirks
twitches and twirks
I've spent years
masking
for societal reasons...

Just doing what you do
V.I.P.
I wouldn't have it any other way

loving it...


*pretty gangsta-thug huh, lol

The Forty Years

Recall as a small child thinking life was one big board game.
Everyone and everything in the world strategically placed
against me ...

Recall as well, many questions about God, Heaven, Death and Spirits.
Even though a small child, I felt I got the just of it
found it comforting and okay
even though some things explained were a little creepy.

Go ahead say I'm just a cub, still wet behind the ears,
what could I possibly know about life in Forty and a half years ...

Well, my friends, in the dozen or more should've been deads,
how the hell did I walk away from thats,
suicide attempts,
what did I do to deserve this
skin of my teeth
to safety's

during most of which faith pushed to broken
flipped God off and cursed His name
to the point of saying in vain is quite an understatement ...

Wasn't until twenty-nine and a half I heard it loud and clear;
I left you?

Go ahead "vet me" I tell you true;

He had enough, my not picking up what He's putting down
even during the bullshit.

Took me out,
could barely stand,
unsure of my own name, for almost 14 days.
Going from 2003 to 2013 in my mind, unsure which was which ...

In time out now, knowing fully time is running out,
I have been given a decade to decide ...
Live or Die!

Moral of the story;

I turned forty last August.
Fifty pounds lighter.
Eating healthy and exercising.
Not a drop to drink since 08-31-13.
More stable and mentally sound than I HAVE EVER BEEN.
Happy, whole and ME

All because God
NEVER LEFT ME ...
Ever,
for I truly am His!!!