Upside Down

What a blessing I have come to find

Once flustered
And to be quite frank
Really pissed
More often than not

Cursing, why me,
Consumed by anger and envy
Like I was indeed "owed" better than the hand I'd been dealt;

What kind of God are you anyway
At every turn jerking my chain
How dare you!
I deserve more!
Now my whole life is screwed
I'll never be happy
I'll never have what I want
One tack at a time
Nailing my coffin closed

Screaming, "I give up!"
Hard enough
The blood vessel in my eye popped...

What a blessing I have come to find

Granted a fulfilling life's career
Empathy and time
I would've no other way
been able to know!

Gratitude

For the handful of folks who've always encouraged my outside of the box thoughts and life; Spirituality.



I am a (positive) deviant of religious conformity and societal norms.  I am deeply Spiritual which for me is a deep connection to the Holy Spirit.  My life is based on deepening what that is, can be and will become.  Allowing the Spirit to guide and my always learning to listen and implement.



I recall as young as four knowing the Angels and knowing God was with me and feeling sad for Jesus.  My grandparents had Christ on the cross that hung in the house.  I recall even then in the worst of times being comforted from beyond this place (There was no comfort growing up within this place).



In my late teens and twenties pushed all that aside; doubtful to conformity.  After 2003 I lost all earthly gains including my thoughts and mind...I again opened my heart to what I "just knew" as a child.  Go with all that is, He is there even in "absence."  Trust the process:  Christ came and lived, Christ was crucified and died, Christ rose and lives endlessly.  Through this Jesus Christ, I have come to trust what some raise a brow in uncertainty - He is alive and within me.  Let my focus be on my relationship with the burning fire of the Holy Ghost within!



Grateful for my place at His table everyday.  Grateful for being guided and provided for, Lord knows I am not worthy, yet, He is okay with that and helps me lean on Him and learn from all things, deepening my ties that bind us.