Came In Like A Lamb

Came In Like A Lamb

o'come Emmanuel, we sing, praise and celebrate
what's in a name...

2019 year of  shackles broken,

mud dried and cracked, 

like Banner becoming the Hulk,

fuck your psychological prison cells

plain as day, transparency 

turned 46
in remission of symptoms
all year

functioning optimally

logic has re-entered the building

starting college again,

I'm going to be a chef!

God is with us;
up on my own two
again--
came in like a lamb, 
going out like the "Tiger" I am 

Taking my power back, 2020
ring up the curtain
it feels good to be back 

My name is:  Michelle

over and over again

the mind gets tripped and triggered

wrapped all up in illness

gaslight and walk away

like it ain't nothin'

I ain't mad

every time

I come out new and improved

like a vintage stingray split window coupe

pulled from the scrap yard

and restored

smoking tires to easy Sunday drives

"Om-shooby-doo-wop

ya know it's gonna be alright"

With A Little Help From My Friends 

Here's to a fresh 2020

so long 2019, you've been good to me!

unlike a moth to a flame

 Seems often I catch a glimpse of Light

without even trying

through the cracked foundations--

plaster covered corruption.

brow raise of wonder, turn into questions 

quickly thrown a toy of distraction--

commence operation snuff her out.

delusional?  grandiose? 
sixth sense or common sense?

Standing, wondering, questioning myself, 

even asking-- 

"am  I evil?"

 do I seek to harm?  No.

do I nag to be right?  No.

simply a matter of squinting--

I am drawn to the Light.

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, 

"I am the light of the world. 

Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, 

but will have the light of life."
John 8:12

No worries.

After Church, a sermon that was very on point, and needed - leaving us with the question:
"implausible, impossible or Gospel?  You decide"

Gospel, I decide, as I made lunch.

No worries.  

Not my problem, it's God's problem.

Do God's work and don't worry about what anyone says, thinks or does to me...this is all part of being a disciple. 

Don't worry.  Period.  

I'm making lunch & realize it goes along with my *yesterday deep pondering:

[*commandments and church and our duty to one another...

I should not be afraid - who is doing the greater disservice?  

Who is allowing such comfortable dependence turning into entitlement and sinful acts?

As the church what does that say about how we hold true to the Bible - God's written out instructions?

As a society, mainstream immorality; are we the church succumbing to the world???

I have deep questions now--Spiritual contemplation as well as, my role as a Christian as well as, a church role]

And what keeps me awake is fear, don't worry, is right, I am not having a mental breakdown and not headed that way so, why worry about it!  Yeah, I lol'ed a bit. 

At the end of the day, it boiled down, for me, to just stay true, people will get upset with you, the Gospel told us so.  The Gospel also tells us not to worry; 

^{Matthew 6:26-34 NKJV 
26} Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one ^[a]cubit to his ^[b]stature?

Tiger Albee Photo

²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not ^[c]arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Raise Your Voice

There are those who will attempt to gaslight,

trigger

and stigmatize you--

don't let them get to you

don't let them set you back!

Those folks motives have nothing to do with you

and everything to do with them--

walk away 

Protecting yourself is not a sign of weakness

it is a sign of healthy boundaries

sound mind & strength!

Unfortunately, these attempts are a bright light to how important raising our voice is!

Wordless

 

 Silence 

A prequel to a quiet place 

I find sanctuary

*wink*

*wink*

no more masking

said one hundred twenty three times, easily,

randomly pulling this number out of my ass,

like most things done

and or said

in my closing in on forty six years here;

no longer having to hide

I'm a bit mentally behind,

second guessing

what is meant by a lot of things,

afraid to inquire,

behind closed doors

googling simple things,

often more confused and scared

than anyone could fathom;

hell, if I said it out loud

you'd laugh—I'm so funny like that...

Popeye had his spinach

I chose 'liquid courage',

seat of my pants and ass-backward

could care less

like Pigpen's cloud of dust

high functioning drunk,

add in mental illnesses and what do you get?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 and the Oscar goes to--

Miss Albee

AKA one hot fricken' mess...

SN: with a “killer smile” & really great hair! 

*wink*

to the untrained eye

just trying to find my way,

“What Color Is Your Parachute?”,

yeah, I had a friend gift me this is the early 1990's...

hitting my knees-literally-in 2007

screaming, what I now know to be a lament,

followed by a bureaucratic “fall from Grace” ~

tripped, without missing a step,

into the arms of God-literally-

sober, closing in on six years,

and vice free...

here's to closing in on 46 more years here

*wink*

days till 46