If I May

heavy-laden 'tis this heart of mine
deeply troubled, my soul

head-shit gets so out of control
Mother Nature, on steroids 

smoke clears
yellow tape, "Disaster Area"                            

yep, 'twas I who ripped through
her(e), head in hands

in Jesus Christ we are forgiven
thanks be to God, however

if I may be so bold
I am so sorry I hurt you, I pray daily...

"...and there you have the facts of life"

Awoke without a hitch just a few minutes past six.  After topping off the cat dishes and starting the caffeine IV drip, I turned the TV on and caught the last 15 minutes of "The Facts of Life."

It was the episode where Jo and Blair go back home for the weekend, each staying with a long time friend and separately have their own same experiences; realizing their friends are "the same."  Jo has an experience with her long time friend, who maintains the old Bronx "us against them" rough and tumble rude attitude, who soon takes to getting angry that Jo has changed since being away at Eastland boarding school.  Taking shots like; when you're there do you drink with your pinkie up?  Or down?

The scene takes place at the Bronx community center where Jo's friend gets riled up at some elder men playing checkers all because they asked if she could pick up two they dropped.  She again gets riled up, trying to rile the Jo she once knew to join her in defacing a newly finished, Spanish mural.  The end result was a scuffle where Jo takes the can of spray paint and points out the beauty of the mural and that the turf Jesse is sabotaging out of hostile stick-to-itiveness is a community center--and they are all part of the same community.  This leaves Jo's friend exiting with a stay somewhere else because now you're on "their side"-unity within community's side.


Meanwhile Blair has a very similar visit with her friend from an equally affluent background.  Her friend having a gathering and the maid is MIA.  This is a travesty and unacceptable and everything is ruined moment.  After trying to reason her friend into it isn't the end of the world, Blair grabs an apron deciding to make tuna salad, happily.  Her friend thinks this is no time for jokes or even worse - Blair knows how to use a can opener! The whole time Blair combats small jabs about how, clearly, it is the poor influence of the once well revered now will just let "anyone" in Eastland boarding school. 

The maid arrives after having a tooth extracted and points out to Blair's friend how everything is preset and that she is on schedule.  Blatant disregard and disrespect for the maid upsets Blair and she asks the maid how her tooth is.  This inquiring riles up Blair's friend enough to make the point that Blair has become something undesirable; "on her side"-the maid's side.


As Blair meets up with Jo at the coffee shop to head back to Eastland, they have a love hate relationship mind you, without saying much at all, they realize they are grateful to have each other and that the words, "the same" bear both sadness and gladness.



I found this particularly timely this morning as just yesterday I struggled with thoughts of is this "normal" that people get upset when I'm growing and changing in positive ways?  Is it "normal" that I see those negative and unhealthy more and more the stronger the positive and healthy becomes?  It is "normal" to feel some try to rile the 'old me' up?  Is it "normal" some will get upset with my growth?  Is it "normal" I question my positive strides because I'm feeling some resistance around me?

Yes; 
bearing both sadness and gladness!

If the Colors Run

colors soothe and comfort me
carrying my being
so many memories
far away
bleeding into one
not today
tripped and triggered
thousands of miles per second
hold on
let go
either way
alone

I stand still
here and now
whirlwinds
all around consuming me

black and white
greyscale fade and shade
focus me
once in a while
if the colors run
who will really see...