--Thinking about change and growth

Growing older used to scare the hell out of me,

a lot of hearing about:

The must find someone

or

The need to find someone

for this existence.

Must have a plan, called to?

or

Find purpose (like it's lost),

to exist.

I often felt a very inadequate

cold and lonely presence

I am ever so thankful that those days are behind me--

The real deal is so matter-of-fact:

As Billie Holiday says:

"Ain't nobody's business if I do

Nobody's business

Ain't nobody's business

Nobody's business if I do…"

As Billy Idol says:

"Well there's nothing to lose

And there's nothing to prove

I'll be dancing with myself…"

"True Self--who you are in God and who God is in you--and to live a generous life from that Infinite Source." --Fr. Richard Rohr

My Call the Sequel

http://tyunstoppable.blogspot.com/2015/07/my-call.html --you can find the original here

This was scribbled one year ago today…

Being I only had one bizarre comment on Google+ when it went live on my blog last year, I feel perhaps, I should break this down a bit.  Let me back track, the comment was something to the effect that I have an odd way of Christianity.  I do!!  (According to mainstream society) 

Okay so I scribbled this down while I was listening to Dave Matthews Crash CD.  I like to, at times, give credit to what I am listening to.  Because I know these people and know they are good people worth endorsing-No.  Because, the Spirit moves in everything, and I mean everything.

Title:  My Call

1st 4 lines/words = The holy (no pun intended, okay maybe!) crap I am not worthy.  To the self-examination question--Shame? 

2nd set of 7 lines/words = Rationalize, justifying, the but it was because or they started it so I…  To the self-examination question--Scared?

3rd set of 4 lines/words = THE Light coming into the darkness.  Feeling Grace.

4th set of 3 lines/words = False self to True self.  And that, friends, I am learning should feel uncomfortable and a bit chaotic.  Dig Deep.

5th set of lines/words = Pretty easy to understand--"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 

6th and final line/word = "Abnormality!" --NOT MAINSTREAM.  Not "normal" when I am often listened to…

Celibate.  Sober.  My friends are older.  Love of Christian Discipline.  I could go on and on.

The exclamation point = I love being New Life "Abnormal"  [2 Corinthians 5:17]

And these calls from God aren't just this one time, but every time I am called:  it is good, even if some liminal spaces are agonizing.

"Want To Look Around"

https://youtu.be/KGOHpMWKpls 

05 - ODSS Vocal Class 2005 - Oh Won't You Sit Down

I was recently recalling two hymns from my youth; "Soon and Very Soon" and Come by Here AKA "Kumbaya" when later that day this melody began to play!  I'd forgotten, "Oh Won't You Sit Down, Lord."  Just makes me share a YouTube version of it.  With a bit of my week.

This one is someone's lost hair-clip, fake, but still pretty lying there

Good Morning, DJ!

MINE, damn it! LOL

"Simplify your Life

Give up what you don't need and be glad you did"

I love this!  Boy and automatically where does my head go?  STUFF!

Clothes, shoes, Technological Devices, Knickknacks or Bric-a-Brac,

Cluttered up living spaces, Magazines, Recipe clippings, Coupons,

Overstocked; pantry, freezer and fridge,

Let us not forget--Junk drawer(s) and the I'll sift through these later, Piles…

After my mental break, in 2003, of a 17 day hospital stay severity.  I've got most of this whittled down to pre-assembled, break it all down with a phillips head and an allen wrench in less than a few hours, box it up and a $19.99 U-Haul is more than enough space than I need.  Truth be told, I still have way more than I actually need, (shoes, clothes, glasses), how I rationalize(?) this is it is a small way of "self medicating" or "self soothing" not to  a manic degree.  And I donate like crazy as I rotate seasonal "stock."

Maybe because my hand was pretty forced during those not a pot to piss in years, more than once did I move with next to nothing, because I had no one to help and no money anyway; just some clothes, a chair I could carry, a few other things a few bus rides could carry--my cats too…

Regardless of how it happened, I am better for it!  How so, makes me dig deep:

• I am never really worried about anything, the only thing that I go out of my way a bit to protect in my living quarters is my boys (cats).  Added security, carriers at the ready accompanied by an old school 3G LG Rumor2 prepaid.  Just in case!
• My spirit or sense of being feels lighter and brighter the more open things are.  The real behind less is more.
• I feel more secure.  I don't know how to explain the insecurity that came with having all this crap.  As I reflect almost an anxiety at times like where will it all go, how will I get there, I need these things because they are mine…MINE--Yes, that's it!  I no longer feel these/this = MINE. 

                                                   I've lost the MINE attitude and learned POSSESSION is NOT security

Let's follow this thread

To the next place, which always makes me giggle that it doesn't jump first, "material" does…

Simplify…Giving up what I don't need internally…glad you did:

Addictions, Prejudices, False Self, Selfishness, Control,

Complicating & Compromising, Last Word,

Greed, Vanity,

Revenge,

                           Fear;

                             Be love rather than "seeking love"

                                                                                            }     outwardly…

                             Be me rather than "seeking me"

No longer...

[I have long since ditched Cable Television and do old school over the digital air waves and Netflix]  

No longer viewing television news...or reading/"Following" television news online. 

I will old school news paper, at the YMCA when I workout two days a week or at the Library--there is no need for me to have that dropped at my doorstep daily either, or all access online.

I will live my life and welcome all that and those I encounter with kindness and respect.

  Looking UP!

Priorities

What's really sad to me, is the media creating more crap rather than helping to bridge the gap.  I know, many disagree with this, I took a small beating on Twitter (shrugs)!  However, I regret perhaps that some can't see the advantage true media could have in today's times.  As if so 'brainwashed' by cheap media, scare and ratings tactics that anything outside that is problematic (ratings v. unbiased fact and positive change).
Maybe I am not wording correctly.

I know that I am not out there being angry and hateful and stirring pots to get heated reactions.  I am not out there with a heart of hurting people or nature.  I am not out there with a soul filled with me, me, me...
Yet, I feel at times held accountable for those who are.

My catch phase is; "sorry."  Even when I have done nothing; I am bumped into, I say, "sorry" I see someone belittled somewhere by another, if I have opportunity, I say "I'm sorry."

Because ya know what, this current state the whole world is in, not just America, is pathetically sorry!

Maybe I am a blind fool and should just keep my head down and mouth shut, which is what many have told me in my life, but when I feel something deeply it is as if wild horses are dragging it out...

What I feel right now is a whole lot of many emotions at once and the media, our local media is stoking the fire.  FYI, it's Summer and we don't need any more heat.

I shall say no more, just keep on keeping on, with my head bowed down and my hands clasped together, for prayer is greater than words.

"No, not just for some, oh, but just for ever, every, everyone"

Prince of Peace, your Spirit dwells within and among us all, 
please Lord, 
ignite that consuming blaze of Love in all those who are so violently angry...

https://youtu.be/y3X4SmuSN8s

Lyrics

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some but for everyone

Lord, we don't need another mountain
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross
Enough to last 'till the end of time

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some but for everyone

Lord, we don't need another meadow
There are cornfields and wheat fields enough to grow
There are sunbeams and moonbeams enough to shine
Oh, listen, lord, if you want to know

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some, oh, but just for ever, every, everyone

What the world needs now is love, sweet love (oh, is love)
What the world needs now is love, sweet love (oh, is love)
What the world needs now is love, sweet love (oh, is love)

Openness

Open to receive

     any and all things

     without resistance;

Preconceived, self-directed, manipulated notions

no longer will do,

     though, they time to time flutter about

     in and out of the mind

like a butterfly, effortless amongst a breeze

            Allowance...

Lust of a different kind

good, bad or indifferent;

    

Accept it.

     Hold it.

     Contemplate it.

Dance with it…

More questions than answers;

Awing and inspiring

     fear's not knee jerking

rather, gently nudged to step back

    view the landscape…

Let Freedom Ring

BE

Ready To Ride

"15 miles on the Erie Canal"

Let It Be!

Great Ride with friends

yep, let us ride the Erie Canal Lock

Have a wonderful and safe Independence Day!