Moments of Peace

Delight Thyself

He is risen,

He is risen, indeed!

I'm a really simple kind of being; I guess that can be true in the simple minded at times sense as well as the it doesn't take much--grand gestures really aren't needed.  I also am a fan of sharing the simple little things with those whom I love. 

Easter 2012 is one best remembered for transition


                                                                            | -2013
                                                                            |
                                                                            | --2014

Easter 2015 is one best remembered for validation

                                                                            | --2016
                                                                            |
                                                                            | --2017

Easter 2018 is one best remembered for solidification And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

                                                                            |
                                                                            |
                                                                           

7  The law of the Lord is perfect,
    reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
    making wise the simple;  (Psalm 19:7)

Cause me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.  (Psalm 143:8)

  I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.  (Psalm 119:59)

When I consider your heavens,

    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,  (Psalm 8:8)

43 Let the one who is wise heed these things
    and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord.  (Psalm 107:43)

 

He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, An impregnable castle: I'm set for life. 

 My help and glory are in God 

 So trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be. (Psalm 62:6-8)

I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. 

 I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me. 

 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (Psalm 119:101-103)

 Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.

 For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.

 I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.  (Psalm 116:7-9)

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  (Psalm 37:4)

                                                     

                                                     

Praise The Lord!    

In Out-Out and In

I came across this Calvin and Hobbes cartoon this morning and am being flooded with just how true the realization of this is, I.e.: Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

Not to downplay Outreach ministries or the work of  the Church, Deacons, Elders, Program Staff, etc. or anything like that, rather, stir it all up a bit more.

One thing I can recall vividly my 1^st Sunday service, was the use of the word “inreach” and I was sold! I was seeking a new church and I felt I needed you to take care of me and when I joined as a member I took my questions seriously and you had me there, too – to take care of you. What has changed or shifted is the meaning of inreach has morphed into personal development; maintaining mental stability, Spiritual growth, fasting and prayer (1 Peter 2:1-3).

I am not who I was when I showed up at your doorstep wandering lost, lonely, broken, addicted to alcohol/cigarettes and in need—dire need—I was literally going to die...You stirred up to love and encouraged now faith and good works, the type Christ charges us to live and do, freely flow, everywhere I go, additionally I offer you all the greatest gift I can by taking care of myself—you did that! Had no idea, huh, that is how powerful the life in Christ is; Faith and Hope, Peace and Love – the cornerstone of Outreach;

Brothers and Sisters  "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people."  - let us keep that in mind in our ministries, even the day-to-day mundane, perhaps using the words of Jim Rohn let us encourage others with a mere “take care of you for me”.

Five Candles - Jars of Clay

Your will

1. The more I resist who I am the more Holy discontent I feel.

• "An inner dialogue of give and take" - Richard Rohr
• “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” - Mark 8:33
•  After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?"  He replied, “This kind can come out only by prayer." - Mark 9:28-29

     Interestingly, during the depression group I attend, the things the handful of other folks in the group listed as what makes them feel better are the very things that make me feel worse…

For example, calling friends and making plans; not being alone or isolated.  One individual stated she wishes she liked herself more so that she would be okay with being by herself.  I stated; "that can bite you in the ass!"  I shared how odd I feel being I feel better when there aren't calls and plans made how I feel best in prayer, church, groups of self depth based give and take--among others so long as it has Purpose (capital P - God 1st). 

     Another individual piped in with the word "connection" I exclaimed yes.  However, for me the word connection has become so watered down in today's times.  Connection with something larger than oneself in company.  I seek and do best in the Spirit.  Becoming one with another/others [in Christ], and again, that gets twisted up sometimes due to dual reference: A. one in flesh (Mark 10:8) & B. one in spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17)…I have to be careful of wording because generally I speak as all know I am on the spiritual page vs. of the flesh. 

     As I exited the parking lot another individual from the group said, "I don't think you need this depression group any more, I wish I was as happy as you!"  I replied it's times and places like this that fill me without having to have coffee or lunch with anyone!  That is actually one thing that causes me to feel depressed and stressed, the want of my time so often by others, to be pinned down ASAP when I appear [to them] to be doing better.  I avoid most people when I am feeling great, why, because then just seeing me for moments in passing and sharing (what is filling for me) is not enough for others they want more.  This individual in the parking lot said "so as far as it goes."  I thought about that my whole canal walk back to the bus stop, and yeah, I find myself being vague to avoid hostilities.

I have an image of myself in my head as this little monkish happy soul, constantly opening the Bible and just randomly picking places to read and spending days and weeks alone just having inner dialogue, wandering, freestyle interacting and taking pictures.  I also have this image of another being part of that sacred space.  Another image is my life outside my home being spent mainly within walls of worship spaces and therapeutic spaces and where the Spirit invites me day-to-day mundane.  Sometimes those day-to-day mundane invitations take me to places of being challenged and yes, even challenging, what would Jesus do style.

I am curious is my need, deep inward call type need, of being so engulfed in fasting and prayer part of what keeps my mental illness at bay--"this kind can come out only by prayer" is it that which helps keep my ego at bay--"you do not have in mind the concerns of God".  Is it I feel Holy discontent because I have yet to be able to articulate properly?  Or is the Holy discontentment I feel  so I may stop resisting?  "Fear not!" "Do not be afraid!" "Do not fear!" - embrace this discontentment for God is with me!

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

It Begins With

Happy New Year!

"Drive In Drive Out"
Listen Here

I hear more than I like to...
so I boil my head in a sense of humor...
I laugh at what I cannot change...
I throw it all on the pyre again...go then and do this
I'd do it for you...
when all that I want is so badly to be...
by myself again...
it's going to drive me right out of my brain 

Drive in drive out I'm leaving
Drive in drive out
I'll come back again
Drive in drive out I'm leaving
Drive in drive out 

I don't care if we all turn to waste...
so when I beg...you avoid me...because I smell of dirt... hungry,
hungry boy...you won't leave me all alone...the boy won't go 

Sooner or later we're done
Sooner or later I'm gone
because, because
Sooner or later we're gone
Sooner away 

Ooh, my head is pounding now...god has all but left me behind...
not a sense of worry...I'm going to drive in and drive out again
Drive in drive out I'm leaving
Drive in drive out I'll come
Drive in drive out I'm leaving
Drive in drive out 

I'm over this arrangement...
around here...emptiness
sounded so good...I want to
drive you right into my world 

Drive in drive out I'm leaving
Drive in drive out I'll come
Drive in drive out I'm leaving
Drive in drive out

>99 Luftballoons

99 Luftballoons; Nena   <---song 'popped' in my head when I saw this red balloon. 

Little Google background for those outside "Gen X":  
 "99 LUFTBALLONS" LYRICS

Text: Carlo Karges
Musik: J. U. Fahrenkrog-Petersen

This is the song that brought Nena to the attention of English-speaking people all over the world in 1984. This original German version, written by Carlo Karges, was released in Germany in February 1983.

The English version was written by Kevin McAlea and released in North America in 1984. Under the title "99 Red Balloons," that song (also sung by Nena) loosely follows the German lyrics though it is not the same as the direct English translation used here.

German Lyrics	Direct Translation by Hyde Flippo
Hast du etwas Zeit für mich Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich Von 99 Luftballons Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich Von 99 Luftballons Und dass so was von so was kommt	Have you some time for me, then I'll sing a song for you about 99 balloons on their way to the horizon. If you're perhaps thinking about me right now then I'll sing a song for you about 99 balloons and that such a thing comes from such a thing.
99 Luftballons Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont Hielt man für Ufos aus dem All Darum schickte ein General 'ne Fliegerstaffel hinterher Alarm zu geben, wenn es so wär Dabei war'n da am Horizont Nur 99 Luftballons	99 balloons on their way to the horizon People think they're UFOs from space so a general sent up a fighter squadron after them Sound the alarm if it's so but there on the horizon were only 99 balloons.
99 Düsenjäger Jeder war ein großer Krieger Hielten sich für Captain Kirk Das gab ein großes Feuerwerk Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht Dabei schoss man am Horizont Auf 99 Luftballons	99 fighter jets Each one's a great warrior Thought they were Captain Kirk then came a lot of fireworks the neighbors didn't understand anything and felt like they were being provoked so they shot at the horizon at 99 balloons.
99 Kriegsminister - Streichholz und Benzinkanister - Hielten sich für schlaue Leute Witterten schon fette Beute Riefen Krieg und wollten Macht Mann, wer hätte das gedacht Dass es einmal soweit kommt Wegen 99 Luftballons	99 war ministers matches and gasoline canisters They thought they were clever people already smelled a nice bounty Called for war and wanted power. Man, who would've thought that things would someday go so far because of 99 balloons.
99 Jahre Krieg Ließen keinen Platz für Sieger Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr Und auch keine Düsenflieger Heute zieh' ich meine Runden Seh' die Welt in Trümmern liegen Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden Denk' an dich und lass' ihn fliegen	99 years of war left no room for victors. There are no more war ministers nor any jet fighters. Today I'm making my rounds see the world lying in ruins. I found a balloon, think of you and let it fly (away).

I couldn't stop shooting it until the song completed in my head;
refocus
distracted
I walked away, leaving it be, just as I found it...

I may never know its destiny

however, this encounter was meant to be...

Peace is~

Peace is~
The tingling, warm feelings in my chest

like at any given moment my heart will burst out from within.

Peace is~
Fighting to keep my eyes open, when I am not even tired

with every eyelid flutter more soothing than the other.

Peace is~
No matter time or place, the you-ness of you existing comfortably, almost weightlessly

aware, yet, without a worry or care.

Unexpectedly Extinguished

The 1st Advent candle was lit, we sang

and then, it went out.

The 1st candle was re-lit and the second candle was then lit, we sang

and then, they went out.

As if from lit to spent, my mind wound down

unexpectedly extinguished, with those candle flames.

 Without a word, familiar presence

rest well, here with me.

Softly whispered, within my chest

pen to paper;

Life in a candle

to hope is but a dance with a peaceful flame,
rekindling moments
in every wick
joyfully burning my smoldering soul
lovingly flickering

Advent fantasies...

 ^-The process -^

Saturday December 09, 2017

Awakening

The usual custom for awakening is a "Good Morning" and a big ole mug of coffee!

But what about a Spiritual Awakening?  Knowing something amazing is going on, feeling a need for solidarity yet, connection for sharing and dialog with "others."  Well, there are plenty of others to talk to, believe me, I could waste 18 hours a day in bullshit conversation--that is an American term; "we were just sitting around bullshitting" or "just shooting the shit."  

I am not really a fan of those terms anymore, the only way to explain that is like when you out grow anything.  Perhaps it isn't so much the terminology rather the root of what the term means that turns me off..."pointless chatter."  Go ahead, get offended, those of you who do talk at me, over me, to me and wonder...or better yet, don't and know it doesn't matter!
     That's right, it does not matter--no one but me is responsible for how I feel or don't feel or react and vise versa.  It bears no reflection but much can be learned if we set with that feeling of being offended.  It is truly one of the best Spiritual Awakenings--that's where the ego feeds!!!  (multiple exclamation points because this growth personally ignites a fire within me)


So, here I am, minding my own business, some not-so-many years ago *BAM* 'Spiritual Awakening' nudging me.  And scaring the hell out of me!  That's right, it scared me into a looking over my shoulder for another mental break.  It also scared me because many things I had professed, prayed and lamented to God and God alone were staring right back at me...Confusing me.  Testing me.  Transforming me.  Growing me.  Preparing me for ____________(fill in the blank).  This year it was not cupcakes but, breaking from society.  
     Look, I don't know what's next or yet to come--what I DO know is I know what I am doing even though it is a mystery.

Where I am struggling is really in the placement of boundaries.  I no longer find a lot of  my "older patterns" (AKA the "false self" which is very ego based) my way, my path -- there where the road forked, I went the other way.  I do not seek the company of others.  Yes, I do not seek the company of others.  I seek Faith in "for everything there is a season", I seek God's timing and placement for sharing and connecting--not creating it myself or fumbling back into places I am expected or I feel obligated.  

For my heart knows its home and that space is to be free from defilement.  That's my call.  I cannot answer it yet, I tried, I was hung up on.  And until I stopped getting "hung up on" everything and reflected silently then I felt what I know.  What I know is this:   I accept all this.  My pilgrimage is mine and mine alone.  We are supposed to turn toward and lean on God (not (wo)man) and with all things, God will provide--God will provide spaces and places for sharing.
     
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"

tygerforwardis.wordpress.com

https://tygerforwardis.wordpress.com/2017/11/22/seven-days-gratitude-2/


No, I am not leaving my blogspot.  I am however mixing and splitting things up.  Almost like having a few books going at once or a few journals for different thoughts.

Feel free to check me out on wordpress, where the focus for me will be more of the meditative, quiet, Spiritual reflections--more of the going in.

Happy Thanksgiving

Seven Days; Gratitude

Day One:

So, September 01, 2013 I attended church as I regularly do--with one exception, I was so fricken hung over.  I had, out of guilt and shame, that morning around 4/4:30am completely shaved my head.  I could have stayed home, I have never shown to church remotely under the influence before.

Side Bar:  I had renewed my NYS ID card that next day, as I no longer drive I let my license expire, I have opted to leave that awful picture of myself until the 10 year mark of my sobriety.  Why?  It is a constant reminder of what was, what is and what will be.  More than that, it reminds me of the day, I looked up at one very dear and confessed "I have a drinking problem and if I don't stop, I'm going to die."  A heartbroken face looked back at me and said; "I know.  I've seen it before."  I then asked if we could talk and while they were gripping the coffee in both hands tightly a formally stated; "not.  today." ---> THIS still matters to me and this still, as twisted as it may seem, is what has helped to keep me from relapsing.  That and...I have an eternal life to look forward to and doing harm to myself and those who care, isn't in the plan.

What makes me grateful about being sober?  How is this something to give thanks for?

Because I did it.  I quit, have never gone back or wanted to go back.  I never thought--and I thought about quitting hundreds of times before I turned 40, dozens of times weekly before I turned 20, hand-full of times daily in my 30's--but I never could imagine my life without self medicating at the bottom of a bottle.  I could never imagine myself able to enjoy life here without drinking through it.  I could never imagine people liking me without the societal "normal", the 'mask' was what was likable...believe me, looking back I see large chunks of not being able to imagine my being able to interact with societal "normal" without the 'mask' either.

What has changed?  It is honestly the difference very much like underwater vs. on land.  Underwater sight, very clear and beautiful sometimes--oh it is, however there is so much that blurs the sharper image at times and clouds up in spots, making the unknown potentially more dangerous.  Whereas head out of water enables you to better navigate the cloudy, blurry, obstructed areas--and you can breathe, freely & naturally...ability to go deeper...

There is a season~

kissed by November rain

withering gracefully

she'll rise again

faith in action

come Spring

In Anticipation

It's as if I'm on the outside looking in

Appearance of thick skin

Unwavering fidelity

Every tear that falls

     Testing me

how long, O' Lord, how long

As the rose a gift to the thorn                                              

Pleasure and pain coexist

Who am I to question why

But a fool shall hastily pluck

     Disciplining me

how long, O' Lord, how long

Lovelier a bouquet

Patiently enduring day to day

Leaving all be trusting in Thee

Bearing hope until the day

     In anticipation, waiting 

Dear God,

I am so tired of reading/hearing the words "mass shooting."

I am equally tired of hearing "our thoughts and prayers are with those grieving" - I am sorry, it feels inadequate for the TX Church incident--the latest of the recent mass shootings (to the best of my knowledge anyway)...

How do I react to this, well, my nose runs and the tears flow and I pray:  God, what now, how do I (re)act?  Be kinder to those I encounter?  Be more aware of my surroundings?  Be a better listener?  Get my signature on more petitions and proposals? Pass out cards for mental health care?

I don't know but, I start with all of the above. I also start by realizing the best and only way for me to control this situation is not to fear.

Lord, as I move through my days here on earth, let me do so with the confidence that wherever my days may lead me, whomever my days may lead me to and however my days may unfold, You are there. May I encounter all knowing and trusting; 

"these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love"  -1 Corinthians 13:13.  Amen.

Enough Is Enough

I'm actually not sure where to begin.

I engaged in a conversation recently that left me still really contemplating.  Contemplation is my friend.  I will give fair warning, this content may be a trigger for some folks.

I, personally, dislike pressing 1 for English, pressing 2 for continue, 5 for something else, 1 for yes and 2 for no.  It is nothing personal - it is the whole automated system; "are you kidding me!  REPRESENTATIVE!!!!!"

I am aware there are folks, like my recently had conversation, that find "press 1 for English" some sort of disrespect to them?  I place a question mark there because in all fairness, I doubt they really know why it bothers them or if, in fact, it deeply does even bother them.  Listening and feeling I'm trying to be swayed into agreement or some sort of tirade on the subject, I just continued to listen.  Leading into how we differ on the whole "take a knee" during the national anthem issue.   I am "down with it" and this individual feels opposite my take on the flag being disrespected has nothing to do with the kneeling during the national anthem but more disrespectful to our nation is the injustice and inequality.  However, I respect those who are on the other side of the fence.  Again, I continued to listen as the conversation, swift right to if people come to America, they should dress and act like us.  First, in my head was--what does that even mean???  I am now curious so I raise the issue of diversity.  Quickly explained away with diversity can exist while still respecting the need to conform...and not our conforming to "their ways"...I cannot believe how truly bigoted my "space" is.

This may not seem like much to some however, enough is enough.

The summary of the, I want to say conversation but, it seems too polite was this:  If you come here, to America, you damn well better represent the way we want you to.  You owe us.  You let go of all else; who you are, your language, your culture, your core, your being and you suit up and you join us and you look like us and you better learn our language and stand when our flag is in sight and that anthem plays.  Dress and speak how you choose at home.  These are not my views, beliefs or oh my God anything else...I exited this conversation, not surprised, I have heard this all before, just now am seeing new light, especially in my "space."  
Or perhaps, I am actually now hearing what is being said; these are this individual's truths.

These are "truths" I just can not stand for and will not stand with.

I pray, amen.

National Anthem Fun Facts:  Francis Scott Key  John Stafford Smith